hazel-rah?

April 10, 2007 | Filed Under ordinary 

dear easter bunny,

thank you ever-so-much for the eggs hidden throughout the house and the clever clues within that led us to the educational yet entertaining bug jar with magnifying glasses and oversized tweezers, the butterfly net, and the sand digging tools of great sturdiness. thank you also for the colossal amounts of chocolate and the absence of the marshmallow peeps that we all love but do not enjoy the inevitable hardening of due to the inability to eat the box entire in one sitting. we appreciate this thoughtfulness and have already enjoyed your generosity by magnifying everthing in the house that will fit into the bug jar, by catching the cat in the net, and by running rampant through the house with the sand wagon while playing the same two chords on a harmonica that some other benevolent lover of noise and chaos has gifted to our children.

we feel the need, however, to request, nay, to demand, that you never again nest hollow chocolate bunnies and golden wonka eggs in a warren of wood shred easter grass. yes, our superior aesthetic demands something more than cheap and wrinkly plastic grass that multiplies upon being thrown to the floor in excitement. we are certain that you had this in mind when delivering your spring gifts to us this past weekend. and we are also certain that you were unaware of the splintering properties of shredded wooden easter grass, nor were you aware of the fact that it is impossible to vaccum said grass from carpet as upon hitting the floor each individual spear tangles itself into the pile of the carpet (destined to be ripped-from-the-floor and rolled-to-the-curb carpet regardless), and that after attempting to vacuum the mess from the floor the vacuum becomes severely clogged, the unclogging of which takes a considerable amount of time, energy and patience.

thank you again for your generosity. and thank you ahead of time for your complete cooperation in this matter regarding shredded bits of dyed yellow wood never darkening the doors of this humble, yet cozy, home ever again.

fondly,

the parents of the magical greene children

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