so papa got a very long ladder
October 30, 2007 | Filed Under ordinary | Leave a Comment
three weeks fly by and all she does is sleep. today, yesterday, perhaps, maybe even the day before, she discovers that i do not always hold her, that she is waking up in her seat, on the bed, and i am not there. she doesn’t like this arrangement, likes to wake to the smell of me, her eyes blinking up at mine as she yawns, as i breathe the smell of her hair, her mouth, her tiny ears. she likes to feel safe and near to the person she’s known the longest as she braves this world unknown, the sounds and lights, the flitting in and out of faces, the concept new and curious to her. it’s easy to wear her, she’s still tiny and curls herself into a ball with a sigh to sleep. i watch henry and jude working, playing, these boys, both babes with cries coming from toothless mouths all too recently, the length of their legs already longer than the minutes i’ve known them.
it is sweet, these days, the days that feel lazy and warm. we bundle together in the big bed under cozies (anything blanketable and made of fleece, so named by jude last winter in the cold) and the young ones shove off into waters of sleep, dreams of tricks and treats and peeking at the disguises of other kids come over them in waves. these voyages of theirs are ours for now, too, we remember for a minute before dashing off into the work still waiting for us, dark regardless.
shaking out the loose teeth
October 29, 2007 | Filed Under ordinary | Leave a Comment
cheap serrated knives, shiny spoons, boys in the sun, baby who sleeps, jack-o-lantern jellyfish, the scoop and squeeze of it all. i’ve not carved a pumpkin for years and years, the opportunity missed for a myriad of reasons. the tops of the pumpkins have hats without stems due to a crazy fever that sent one rolling off of the deck and the other klunking to the floor. i try to not feel annoyed at the loss of those lovely speckled stems because they really don’t matter, not to those who matter most.
the display of candy and sweet surprises at the fresh market has changed from halloween to thanksgiving treats, a few chocolate mummy lollipops left, mostly turkeys and leaves and secret things in foil papers. we stopped last night to buy something good for boys who let us alone to go to church by going into their sunday school classes without attachment fanfare. while we were there i locked the key in the car and, feeling annoyed with myself for being stupid, punished myself by not buying coffee, which i really wish i had not done as i sit here this afternoon rationing beans. as it goes with punishments, today i am thinking more about not having really good coffee than i am about being careful to be sure i have the key to the car in my pocket. next time i will buy the beans, not be so hard on myself (as henry said to me, “mom, even if you lock the key in the car next time we come here i will still love you!”), and won’t be in the situation i am this afternoon.
if you listen, you can hear birds sing and flowers grow
October 28, 2007 | Filed Under ordinary | Leave a Comment
love
mouthwash burn
ernie vacuuming the whole house very thoroughly
moop, particularly this bag, this place in which they work and live, and this owlie place for small things
things with surprises inside
pumpkin pie
having only one tv commitment a week
feeling human again after major abdominal surgery
lola’s little mewling sounds when she sleeps
hate
the never ending mess on my desk
my inability to relax when things are piled up, cluttered, dirty
how fast kids resort to fist-fighting, slapping, and well-aimed kicking when angry with one another
the trickiness of finding a moment to shower in the day — a moment during which lola is content and henry and jude aren’t feeling too mischevious
foolish adult pygmies (who should know better!) and their asinine comments
jude being old enough to wear henry’s pirate boots!
we still have time to dance, so let’s dance
October 27, 2007 | Filed Under ordinary | 1 Comment
ernie steps out into the cold and dark to rent a movie and buy cool whip for the pumpkin! pie! the boys and i made! from scratch! this afternoon while lola took a long nap extraordinaire, dreams of burrowing down into something swaddled, milk, smiles, and lazy afternoons flitting through the dream stage of her newborn r.e.m. cycles. henry, after swallowing a measly seven spoons of poisoned puke cheese and potato soup (”i HATE soup! i really do!”), was entitled to a piece of pie and it was then we discovered that the cool whip was almost gone due to the horrible habit that an unnamed someone has developed of dolloping it atop steaming mugs of pumpkin pie coffee. sadly henry also discovered that he only likes the edge of the crust and the globs of cool whip and could do without the mush of pumpkin in the middle.
this week we have purchased halloween costumes (”excuse me, do you have any black spiderman costumes without gigantic muscles?”) that delight them both and relieve me of having to do any last minute sewing, although i do hope that lola will get the elf hat from the amy karol book so that she won’t have to trick-or-treat as herself. i sit around and clean the house and imagine myself whipping up quick projects but the reality is that the sewing table is also the dining room table, the school table, the art table, the pile your crap on the table so that you can play with it/look at it/forget about it table so the chances of really getting something done are slim to none since everyone wants to eat and only so many things can be served in the grass or in front of the tv at the foot of our bed.
october, nearly over, still sends off a green glow of leaves in trees, grass that greens with rain, a lonely zinnia still climbing up at the bottom of the stairs. are we skipping fall this year, fading fast into the gloom and gray of november? maybe we could just skip november, instead. maybe winter will not be so long and dismal this year.
we still have time to dance, so let’s dance
October 27, 2007 | Filed Under ordinary | Leave a Comment
ernie steps out into the cold and dark to rent a movie and buy cool whip for the pumpkin! pie! the boys and i made! from scratch! this afternoon while lola took a long nap extraordinaire, dreams of burrowing down into something swaddled, milk, smiles, and lazy afternoons flitting through the dream stage of her newborn r.e.m. cycles. henry, after swallowing a measly seven spoons of poisoned puke cheese and potato soup (”i HATE soup! i really do!”), was entitled to a piece of pie and it was then we discovered that the cool whip was almost gone due to the horrible habit that an unnamed someone has developed of dolloping it atop steaming mugs of pumpkin pie coffee. sadly henry also discovered that he only likes the edge of the crust and the globs of cool whip and could do without the mush of pumpkin in the middle.
this week we have purchased halloween costumes (”excuse me, do you have any black spiderman costumes without gigantic muscles?”) that delight them both and relieve me of having to do any last minute sewing, although i do hope that lola will get the elf hat from the amy karol book so that she won’t have to trick-or-treat as herself. i sit around and clean the house and imagine myself whipping up quick projects but the reality is that the sewing table is also the dining room table, the school table, the art table, the pile your crap on the table so that you can play with it/look at it/forget about it table so the chances of really getting something done are slim to none since everyone wants to eat and only so many things can be served in the grass or in front of the tv at the foot of our bed.
october, nearly over, still sends off a green glow of leaves in trees, grass that greens with rain, a lonely zinnia still climbing up at the bottom of the stairs. are we skipping fall this year, fading fast into the gloom and gray of november? maybe we could just skip november, instead. maybe winter will not be so long and dismal this year.
possibly you
October 24, 2007 | Filed Under ordinary | Leave a Comment
she likes to hear singing, from me, from brothers, songs i sang to all of them when they were small and quiet, their eyes big, curious, eyes drinking in long pulls the memory of my face, my voice, connecting in lines the constellations of my freckles, eyes that know more than we ever think they do.
she is losing the look that comes from the life aquatic, the scales on her hands, fingers, are no more, the wrinkles of her face and toes disappearing for fifty, sixty some odd years. no, she is not sleeping through the night, the silly question wearying me more than the hour or two of cricketless nights, the fan in the window whirling and tapping against the sash, lola’s protestations few, her gazes long and many, the quiet of the house at three in the morning peaceful, settling. short nights like these are what coffee, pbs kids television, newly arriving lego catalogs, are for.
when henry was new and nighttime wakeful i took naps just as i did before he was born, falling asleep reading theater history textbooks, missing classes in the long afternoon. when jude was new, henry still napped and we all slept the afternoons away together in a pile. not these days, unfortunately, everyone too old for naps and too young for running about unsupervised.
an updated gallery of lola’s birth can be seen here. i’m really speechless about these photographs ernie captured because they really do tell the story of it all and the feelings of apprehension and relief, not to mention depicting the beauty of her birth, as medical and unnatural as it was.
jaybird, fly through my window
October 20, 2007 | Filed Under ordinary | Leave a Comment
love
all things lola
the boys’ brotherly love
cold mornings and the reach for socks after walking the floor to make coffee
new sweater that is machine washable but still looks nice so that when lola spits up all over it the thing is not bagged and forgotten tossed in the laundry room for the dry cleaner (and still sitting there months later, like the green wool j.crew sweater that has been sitting out there since february and jude’s round of the flu that should have kept me from wearing anything but hooded sweatshirts. i’m really scared to open the bag to see what’s going on in there)
halloween planning
watching ants go enthusiastically in and out of the ant traps
janell filling our freezer with fast frozen food so that i don’t have to think about what to cook when i don’t want to think about such things (thank you so much, janell!)
the way jude tells ernie that i put “janell” in his hair after his bath when he means to say “gel”
getting our entire deductible back from the drunken driver who didn’t have insurance and smashed into our car in july 2006! and thusly being enabled to buy a new sweater that can be washed in the washing machine
the new indian restaurant downtown that is (can it be?) better than the indian palace
hate
the way the cat itches himself like he has fleas
feeling like i really need to clean the house but knowing that i should just stay in bed and look at lola
hearing the garbage truck screech to a halt at the neighbor’s house and knowing that we forgot to get ours to the curb
long hours
October 16, 2007 | Filed Under ordinary | Leave a Comment
not many words only flashes in pictures, the ability to structure a sentence escaping me, lost in the pile of dishes, the dirt of the floor, the trash in bags that need to go out, the bickering and complaining, the hours in long lines ticking until bedtime.
lola
October 12, 2007 | Filed Under ordinary | Leave a Comment
viola grace greene was born to us on october 9 at 9:16 a.m. she looks like henry often, jude on occasion, and posseses the campbell hairline and large hands. she sleeps and eats all of the time, as expected, and has more clothes than i do, thanks to those that dote.
thank you for praying and thinking of us during her birth. all went well and continues to go so.
more of lola (only a few images, ernie will update soon) can be seen here.
ramses is not dancing at the party
October 2, 2007 | Filed Under ordinary | Leave a Comment
love
snoring from the next room
sticks, moss, berries, mushrooms
boys in the woods
camille’s eggplant parmesan. and her lasagna. thanks!
the bathroom, clean, and smelling so
last minute babysitters who play the whole time ernie and i are out eating thai food and buying colorful socks
black paper
pumpkin muffins
hate
is it hot? is it cool out there? do i need a sweater?
heidi, who schedules c-sections, and her general get-the-job-done demeanor that contributes to my already crappy feelings regarding failure, fear, and other words that start with f, like funereal
the goodwill on east north street and their “no beverages on the premises” policy that makes it so much harder to look around with a three year old who has an orange slush waiting in the car
idiotic car tax